If A Song Could Get Me You
by Shaelynn Stark
Summary: My first DM fic! Steve & Jesse are in a relationship and Steve wants to tell their friends about them but Jesse's not so sure. Fearing that Jesse is ashamed of him, Steve walks out on him. How far will Jesse go to get Steve back? (A/N: Each chapter is inspired by a song, hence the title.) WARNING: This is a slash story. If you don't like male/male relationships, don't read it
1. Do You Know What You Want

**If A Song Could Get Me You**

**Disclaimer:  
**As always, I own nothing!

**Rating:  
**T (though subject to change)

**Genre:  
**Romance/Hurt/Comfort

**Pairing:  
**Jesseve (Jesse Travis/Steve Sloan)

**Lyrics Used:  
**M2M "Do You Know What You Want"

**Author's Note:  
**This is my first ever Diagnosis Murder fic, so, please be gentle. Also, this story kinda came to me in a dream that's been driving me crazy. So, excuse me if it's not the best. I really just decided to write it to get it out of my head.

* * *

Do You Know What You Want

* * *

_Do you know what you want | (Do you know what you want) | Do you know what you want | (Do you know what you want) | What you want | Love's so hard to find | So make up your mind | Do you know what you want  
_

* * *

"Steve, we've been over this, already!" Jesse Travis was now shouting at his clandestine lover, Detective Steve Sloan. "You know I don't want to come out with our relationship!" He had already had this conversation with Steve-numerous times, actually. It seemed that, lately, this issue had become a real strain on their relationship. But, if he were to be honest with himself, he understood where Steve was coming from. Deep down, he wanted to tell their friends about their relationship just as much as Steve did. But, he was worried. He feared for Steve's safety in his line of work. He had seen the news reports of what happened to gay cops that were open. Jesse knew he could never live with himself if anything ever happened to Steve because of their relationship.

"Yes, I know, Jesse!" Steve shouted back at his younger lover. He loved Jesse more than anything and he wanted the world to know how much the young doctor meant to him. And, the more Jesse insisted they keep their relationship quiet, the more he couldn't escape the feeling that his lover was ashamed of him. And, he hated that feeling. "But, you know how important this is to me! What _I_ don't understand is why _you're_ so against this?! Why are you so ashamed of me?! Of us?" Steve's anger and tone of voice had both deflated into sheer desperation.

Jesse's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure, he had known that keeping their relationship quiet was hurting Steve-and he truly did hate hurting him-but, he had no idea that Steve thought he was ashamed of him and of the relationship. "Steve..." The anger from before was long gone. His voice had deflated to a step above of a whisper. "No..." His voice shook on the word. "God, no! No, that's-that's not it!" Jesse was just as desperate as Steve as he moved toward him, reaching out to Steve only to have his hands shaken off. As Steve pushed him away, Jesse felt his heart shatter in his chest. He knew he had to find a way to fix this-and, fast. "I have _never_-in all the years that we've known each other-_ever_ been ashamed of you, Steve!"

"Then, why don't you want to tell people about us?!" Steve begged. "I'm not talking about shouting it from the mountain tops. All I'm talking about is just telling our friends-your friends at work and mine. That's it! Is that really so much to ask?!" Steve felt the sting of tears welling up in his eyes as he desperately fought them back.

Jesse immediately hated himself the instant he saw the shimmer of un-shed tears in Steve's eyes. "Steve, I...I just can't...I'm so sorry. But, I _need _you to know that I am nowhere _near _ashamed of you."

"Then, what else could it be, Jesse?!" Steve was desperate to believe that Jesse was telling him the truth. But, he couldn't think of any other reasons for Jesse to not want to tell their friends about their relationship. And, with Jesse so unwilling to provide him with any other reason, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was right and the Jesse was ashamed of him. Jesse's silence on the matter made the decision for him. "I'm sorry, Jesse." He began, softly, almost dejectedly. "I love you, yes. But, I just...I just can't be with someone who's ashamed me or the relationship."

"No." By this point, Jesse's voice was shaking almost uncontrollably. In the back of his mind, he had always feared that this would be a possibility. He had just always hoped that Steve would eventually understand why he felt this way. "Steve, please...Please, don't do this." Jesse was all but begging as he watched the man he loved preparing to walk out of his home and-ultimately-out of his life. Sure, he'd still see Steve around the hospital and Barbecue Bob's. But, at this point, he wasn't so sure that was such a great thought. If Steve left him, he wasn't so sure if he could handle seeing Steve at work-or at all. Seeing Steve would only drudge up all of these feelings of this fight, right now.

With a soft sad sigh, Steve turned around and-for what would likely be the last time-pulled him close to him and leaned forward the place a soft kiss on the smaller man's head, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. Squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall, Steve steadied his voice as much as he could before he spoke again. "I'm so sorry." He whispered in Jesse's ear before turning back toward the front door to Jesse's apartment. As he opened the door, Steve turned and looked over his shoulder at Jesse. "Goodbye, Jesse." He stated softly, before turning and walking out the door.

Watching as Steve turned and walked out of his life, Jesse finally allowed the dam to break. All the tears he'd been fighting and all the anger he harbored against himself flowed freely as he turned and balled his hand into a fist as he punched the wall behind him with a pained, angry scream, before he slid down to his knees on the floor-resting his forehead against the wall-as he cried. _You, idiot! How could you be so stupid?! How could you let him just walk away from you like that! If you had just told him...Why would you let him feel that way?! _Jesse continued to berate himself for the way things had ended with Steve until the burning sensation in his hand began to seep through his internal tirade. "Damn it." He cursed, though his voice was still thick and watery from the tears he'd been shedding.

Finally rising from his place on the floor, he made his way into the kitchen to clean up the small scrape on his hand from the fight he had picked with the wall. After thoroughly rinsing and cleaning the scrape, he found a knuckle-shaped bandage to stick over it. Looking up at the clock, he realized it was-not late but, late enough, he could head to bed. Though, he knew sleep would elude him without Steve there to hold him.


	2. Don't

**If A Song Could Get Me You**

* * *

**Disclaimer:  
**As usual, I own nothing.

**Rating:  
**T

**Genre:  
**Romance/Hurt/Comfort

**Pairing:  
**Jesse/Steve

**Lyrics Used:  
**Shania Twain "Don't"

* * *

Don't

_Don't pretend that it's okay | Things won't get better that way | And, don't do somethin' you might regret someday | Don't!_

* * *

The next evening found Steve Sloan standing on the deck of his father's beach house, staring out the ocean-eyes seeing, but, not registering-as he processed everything that had happened the night before. He had never imagined himself walking out on Jesse the way he had. Part of him regretted it-or at least, regretted not really hearing Jesse out. Though, part of him stood by his decision; deciding it was really all for the best.

But, he just couldn't get the young blonde's face from earlier, that day, out of his head. He had never seen the younger man's eyes so...dull, and lifeless; never heard the man's voice sound so defeated. Deep down, Steve hated knowing that he was the reason for the sudden change in the man he once called his best friend and lover. Hurting Jesse was never his intention. Steve would never intentionally hurt the young doctor. But, he couldn't help feeling a little hurt, himself, at the younger man's unwillingness to open up to their friends and family about their relationship.

"You wanna talk about it?" Steve was snapped out of his inner monologue by the sound of his father's voice next to him. Turning to glance at his father, Steve contemplated opening up to him. _After all...we're not together, anymore...What would it really matter?_ But, in the end, he just didn't feel like re-opening any wounds, right then.

"It's nothing, dad." Steve replied, flatly. He knew his father would see right through him-he always did. He just hoped that, for once, the man would just let this one go. But, then again...When has Steve Sloan ever been so lucky?

"You and Jesse haven't had a falling out, have you?" He asked. When Steve turned to look at his father, he soon realized that his voice and the look in his eyes gave away the fact that he knew more than he was letting on. "Amanda and I couldn't help noticing the way you two tip-toed around each other, like you were walking on egg shells, all day. Is something wrong between the two of you?"

Still trying to actively avoid discussing Jesse at all, Steve tried to shrug it off. "It's fine, dad. Nothing to worry about." But, one look in his father's eyes told the detective he wasn't buying any of it.

"Steve, look..." He began, placing a supportive hand on his son's shoulder. "We're not idiots. We've known you both for years. We know when something's wrong. You guys didn't break up, did you?"

Steve didn't need a mirror to know that the shocked expression on his face gave away everything. "What are you talking about?!" He asked, shock still evident in his voice.

"Oh, Steve...Amanda and I have known about you and Jesse's relationship for a while, now." Mark explained, that ever-persistent knowing twinkle in his eyes. Truth be told, he had known his son was in love with Jesse ever since the two had first met years ago. "We just never said anything because we wanted to give you two time to open up to us on your own terms."

That was the precise moment when Mark knew he had struck a nerve-if the visible slump in his son's shoulders was anything to go by. With a heavy sigh, Steve soon turned back to his father as he finally caved and told his father everything. "That's just it, dad...I _wanted _to open up...tell you and Amanda everything..."

"But, Jesse didn't...Did he?" Mark asked, filling in the blanks in his son's statement.

Nodding numbly, Steve just muttered "Yeah..."

"What happened, Steve?" Mark asked gently. Honestly, Jesse was every bit as much a son to him as Steve was. He hated seeing them both suffer the way they were.

"We've been fighting about this for a while, now..." Steve began, as he turned around, leaning back against the railing on the deck-his arms crossed over his chest. "Last night...I just couldn't take it, anymore. I couldn't escape this nagging fear that Jesse was ashamed of the relationship-of me." Mark watched helplessly as Steve's chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. "So, I left." Steve finished in a small, broken whisper.

"Oh, Steve..." Mark began, sullenly. "Jesse would never be ashamed of you. He was crazy about you-everyone could see that." He reasoned, hoping to help his son salvage his relationship. Anyone with a functioning pair of eyes could see that the two men belonged together.

"Then, what other reason could he possibly have?" Steve snapped, his voice desperate and thick with the tears shining in his eyes which he fought to hold back. "I gave him numerous chances to just _talk _to me! I _begged _him to just tell me _why _he didn't want to tell anyone about us. If he would have just told me what his reasons were, I wouldn't have left. We could have worked on them, together..." Steve reasoned, his eyes still glistening with unshed tears. "I love him, dad. I really do. I would have done anything to make things work with him. But, I _can't do that _when he won't _talk _to me. If he won't tell me anything, what else am I supposed to think?!"

Mark could see how much this break-up with Jesse was tearing his son apart. It pained him to see Steve suffering so. Finally, unable to take anymore of his son's pain, Mark reached out and pulled his son into his arms. Just when he thought his heart couldn't possibly break any more, he was proven wrong as Steve's emotional dam burst as all the tears that he had fought so hard to hold back came flowing freely as violent sobs wracked his body as he finally allowed himself to have the emotional breakdown he had denied himself since he walked out on Jesse, the night before. Mark knew, in that moment, there was nothing else to say. So, he merely opted to hold his son until he had calmed down. All the while, his mind was going into overdrive, trying to think of a way to repair the relationship between Jesse and Steve.

* * *

It was sunset and Jesse Travis was just clearing away the remains of his dinner when he heard a soft knock at his door. Curious as to who would be visiting him at this time in the evening, he crossed his living room to open the door. Upon revealing his dear friend and colleague, Amanda Bentley-Livingston, Jesse wasn't sure whether he should feel relieved or anxious. "Amanda?" He greeted, surprise evident in his voice. "What are you doing?"

"I had something I wanted to talk to you about." She explained, somewhat cryptically. "May I come in?" She asked, meekly.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He replied, stepping aside to allow Amanda inside. Watching as Amanda made her way over to sit on the couch, he simply shut the door and took a seat in the armchair opposite her. "So...What's on your mind?" He asked, trying to force his voice to remain casual while silently praying she wouldn't bring up Steve.

"I wanted to talk to you about you and Steve." _Well, so much for that idea._ "Jess...Mark and I know something's going on between you two." _Not anymore, it's not._ "We could tell you were both acting...strangely...around each other, today. So, I have to ask...Did you guys have a fight or something?" _Or something..._ Jesse thought to himself as he debated telling Amanda the truth. He still wasn't sure Steve would be totally safe even if they weren't together, anymore. But, he knew Amanda and-deep down-he knew he could trust her. Sighing heavily, he dropped his face into his hand, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back up at Amanda.

"It's...It's complicated, Amanda." Jesse began. Truthfully, he didn't even know where to begin when it came to himself and Steve.

"You guys didn't break up, did you?" _What the-?! How'd _she _know that?! _Jesse wondered, silently, trying to figure out how Amanda could have figured out that he and Steve had even been together, in the first place. Apparently, his confusion showed on his face as Amanda smiled slightly as she chuckled lightly as she replied "Oh, Jesse...Mark and I have known about you and Steve for a while...We just didn't want to say anything until you guys were ready to open up to us on your own..."

Suddenly feeling incredibly stupid and about an inch tall, Jesse just hung his head, defeatedly as he replied, brokenly "That's just it..." When he raised his head back up to look at Amanda, she could see the tears he was trying desperately not to let fall. "Steve _wanted _to tell you guys..." He admitted, his voice watery and shaking.

"But, you didn't." Amanda surmised, filling in the blanks. The shake of Jesse's head was all the confirmation she needed. "But, Jess..._Why _didn't you want to tell us?" She wondered, hoping to get to the bottom of things and, hopefully, help her dear friends work out their issues and save their relationship.

"Because I was scared." Jesse whispered, shakily. Amanda felt her chest clench painfully at the sight of her friend's broken and slumped posture-the tears still threatening to fall.

"Jesse, what were you so afraid of?" She knew it must have been bad if it scared Jesse into keeping his relationship with Steve a secret, thus, jeopardizing said relationship.

"I was afraid that...if the other cops Steve works with found out about us..." Jesse paused for a moment, to regain some of his composure. "They might...hurt him...I've seen the news-reports. I know what happens to gay cops in the field-I just...I just wanted to protect him..." Jesse finished brokenly.

"Oh, Jesse..." Her heart went out to the man before her. She understood where he was coming from. _He just wanted to protect the man he loves..._

"Now, because I couldn't man up and just _tell _him that...He thinks I'm ashamed of him." Amanda was out of her seat and by her friend's side in the instant that she saw the tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

"Look, Jess...I understand where you were coming from." Amanda began, gently, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, rubbing them gently and soothingly. "But, I also get where Steve was coming from." Pausing for a moment, Amanda went on to say "Look, Jesse...I know most of the cops that Steve works with...And, they've known that Steve's gay since the day he joined the unit...They're good people, Jess...They would _never _let anything happen to Steve for any reason." Jesse's head snapped around to look at her, eyes wide in shock.

"Really?" He asked, his voice caught somewhere between hopeful and completely broken. When Amanda simply nodded her reply, Jesse buried his face in his hands as he gave his muffled reply. "Oh God..." He muttered, brokenly. "God..." Jesse looked back up at his friend with a tear-stained face as he added "I hurt him, didn't I?"

Stepping around the armchair to crouch down in front of her friend, Amanda simply replied, keeping her voice soft and warm "Yes, you did." But, before Jesse could bury his face in his hands, again, she swiftly reached out and took his hands in hers as she looked him square in the eyes before speaking again. "But, it's nothing you can't fix."

"How?" Jesse whispered, his voice watery and thick with emotion. "How do I fix this, Amanda?" He all but pleaded with her to help him clean up the mess that he had made.

Smiling ever so slightly, she simply squeezed his hands gently as she replied "Talk to him. Just...tell him everything you just told me. Tell him you were never ashamed of him-only afraid for his safety. He'll understand, Jesse, I promise you." Stroking a stray lock of hair out of his face as she gently wiped a few tears from his eyes, Amanda added "Jesse...Steve loves you more than anything in the world-anyone can see that...And, knowing Steve the way that I do, there is nothing that he won't forgive you if you just open up and talk to him. Just let him in, Jess. That's all he wants."

Finally feeling like there could, possibly, be some small hope for him to fix his mistake, Jesse smiled ever so slightly before replying "Thanks, Amanda...I just hope you're right." He replied, running a hand through his hair, nervously.

"Of course I'm right." Amanda replied, a gentle smug joking tone to her voice. "When am I ever not?" She asked, smirking slightly. Rising from her crouching position, she checked her watch. "Well, it's getting late and I've got the early shift, tomorrow. So, I should probably get going."

Checking his own watch, Jesse knew she was right. Standing with her, he made his way across the room to open the door for her before speaking again. "Thank you, again, Amanda. I don't know how I could get through this without friends like you."

"Hey..." Amanda began, gently, stopping at the threshold of the apartment. "What are friends for?"

* * *

**Author's**** Note:****  
**Okay, so, this chapter is for those of you that wanted me to continue this story! I was so happy to see that you all enjoyed my story as much I love writing it. I'm just _so _sorry it took so long to get the chapter up. I promise to try to do better. However, I'm currently in the process of dealing with a bone deformity in my left foot and I go back to the podiatrist in a couple of weeks to find out whether it will require surgery or not. But, on the plus side...If I do have to have surgery, I'll probably have a lot more time for writing. Lol. Anywho, I just hope y'all like this chapter. OH! By the way, for all of you hoping for a happy ending for Steve & Jesse, don't worry...We're getting to that. ;) Likely in the next chapter which will also likely be the final chapter. Depending on the response I get to this story as a whole, I may or may not do another DM fic. We'll see if my muse strikes me again. Or, if any of you have any ideas for DM (Jesse/Steve, only, please) stories that you'd like to see me do, feel free to PM me. :D


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